Men marry women hoping they will never change. Women marry men hoping they will change.
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The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.
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A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.
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Marriage is give and take. You'd better give it to her or she'll take it anyway.
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My wife suggested a book for me to read to enhance our relationship. It's titled, "Women are from Venus, Men are Wrong."
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There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage.
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Before marriage, a man will lie awake all night thinking about something you say. After marriage, he'll fall asleep before you finish...
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You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.
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An archaeologist is best husband a woman can have: the older she gets, the more interested he is in her.
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Women like silent men, they think they're listening.
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Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays."
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I fell in love at first sight... I should have looked twice.
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Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends.
You order what you want then when you see what the other person has,
you wish you had ordered that.
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Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age - as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.
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When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing: either the car is new or the wife is.
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When a woman steals your husband, there is no better revenge than to let her keep him.
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A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?" And the father replied, "I don't know, son, I'm still paying for it."
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Young Son: "Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?" Dad: "That happens in most countries, son."
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When a newly married man looks happy we know why. But when a ten-year married man looks happy - we wonder why.
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Married life is very frustrating. In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens. In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens. In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen.
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After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband, "You know, I was a fool when I married you." And the husband replied, "Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn't notice it."
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A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifiers: "Wife wanted". Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."
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It doesn't matter how often a married man changes his job, he still ends up with the same boss.
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A perfect wife is one who helps the husband with the dishes.
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A woman was telling her friend, "It is I who made my husband a millionaire."
"And what was he before you married him?" Asked the friend.
The woman replied, "A multi-millionaire".
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I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always!
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